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Breaking the Trance: How Early Imprints Shape Our Life
“I consider many adults (including myself) are or have been, more or less, in a hypnotic trance, induced in early infancy: we remain in this state – when we dead awaken, as Ibsen has one of his characters say – we shall find that we have never lived.”—R.D. Laing R.D. Laing’s words about the trance … Read more
Read MoreWhen You Matter, You “Matter” Yourself
When You Matter, You “Matter” One of the deepest and most persistent unconscious beliefs that people-pleasers carry is this: I don’t matter. This belief, often formed in childhood, shapes how we see ourselves and how we show up in the world—or, more accurately, how we don’t. When we feel like we don’t matter, we unconsciously … Read more
Read MoreWhatever You Do, Do It for Yourself
People-pleasers may have some trouble with this post. Whatever you do, do it for yourself. Does that feel a little uncomfortable? Before you call this selfish, hear me out. When you do something for yourself—even an act of generosity—you’re not doing it to earn someone else’s approval, affection, or validation. You’re doing it because it … Read more
Read MoreThe Hazards of Acquiescence
I once heard someone describe people-pleasing as living with a silent apology for wanting anything different from others. The word “acquiesce” comes to mind. To surrender or submit—an impulse many people-pleasers know well. (Properly understood, surrender – to what is – is a good thing, but I’m talking about capitulation). The pressure to yield to … Read more
Read MoreThe Heart Self
One way of holding your life journey is that it’s a journey into the Heart Self. Ego was built for survival and self-protection. Thank god. Many of us barely survive childhood. Self-protection, through the construction of a false self (yup, the people-pleaser) was intelligent and genius. Good on ya! But in adulthood all this survival … Read more
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