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The Spiritual Solution to People Pleasing? A Return to Love People-pleasing is not just a bad habit or a behavioral pattern to break. It is a spiritual crisis. The spiritual solution to people pleasing? A return to love. At the core of people-pleasing is a single devastating belief: I am unlovable as I am. This … Read more

Shame and self-expression are intimately related. The goal of life is to express oneself fully. It’s what we’re here to do. It rarely happens because full self-expression means full visibility. Full visibility, in turn, risks being judged and criticized by people who have no life of their own. You’ve put yourself out there, for good … Read more

Introduction: What Are Compensating Actions and Beliefs (CABs)? To understand people pleasing we need to understand the roots of people pleasing and how ego is formed. The foundation of ego—the self-protective construct we rely on to navigate the world—is shaped by what I call Compensating Actions and Beliefs (CABs). These are the behaviors, thought patterns, … Read more

Your brain is a prediction machine. In his book The Experience Machine, Andy Clark describes how our brains work not only by receiving sensory information but by actively predicting what we’ll experience. This isn’t just a mental shortcut—it’s how we organize the world. But here’s the kicker: when negative Core Unconscious Beliefs are in play, … Read more

Forgiveness is a powerful word. It’s often held up as the key to freedom—the cornerstone of healing. But the truth about forgiveness is that too often it is a shortcut. It can be little more than spiritual bypassing the deep work of grieving mistreatment. That’s why grieving comes first when it comes to forgiveness. When … Read more