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Whatever You Do, Do It for Yourself
People-pleasers may have some trouble with this post. Whatever you do, do it for yourself. Does that feel a little uncomfortable? Before you call this selfish, hear me out. When you do something for yourself—even an act of generosity—you’re not doing it to earn someone else’s approval, affection, or validation. You’re doing it because it … Read more
Read MoreThe Hazards of Acquiescence
I once heard someone describe people-pleasing as living with a silent apology for wanting anything different from others. The word “acquiesce” comes to mind. To surrender or submit—an impulse many people-pleasers know well. (Properly understood, surrender – to what is – is a good thing, but I’m talking about capitulation). The pressure to yield to … Read more
Read MoreThe Heart Self
One way of holding your life journey is that it’s a journey into the Heart Self. Ego was built for survival and self-protection. Thank god. Many of us barely survive childhood. Self-protection, through the construction of a false self (yup, the people-pleaser) was intelligent and genius. Good on ya! But in adulthood all this survival … Read more
Read MoreWhen It’s Never Enough
If you’re familiar with the feeling of “no matter how much I do, it’s never enough,” then this post is for you. Most people-pleasers know it well. There’s always one more thing you could do to make someone happy, to prove yourself, or to earn acceptance. And yet, no matter how many times you push … Read more
Read MorePeople Pleasing and What To Do about It
Over the years of practicing psychotherapy I have found that there’s a lot of people pleasing going on. Its forms are legion. David keeps taking more and more projects on at work because he can’t say no to his boss and is worried about losing his job. Mary wedded her husband 25 years ago, but … Read more
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