Forgiveness is a powerful word. It’s often held up as the key to freedom, the cornerstone of healing.

But let’s be honest—too often, the call to forgive becomes a shortcut, bypassing the deep work of grieving mistreatment.

True forgiveness isn’t about pretending the pain didn’t happen. It’s not a spiritual Band-Aid slapped over a wound that still festers.

Forgiveness, when real, comes after grief—not instead of it.

When we’re mistreated—whether by family, a partner, or life itself—grieving is the necessary work. It’s how we honor our pain, process the loss, and reclaim our power.

But here’s the thing: while grief is essential, lingering anger and resentment aren’t the answer either.

Holding onto the desire to punish the offender keeps you locked in the past. It keeps you small, reactive, and defined by what happened to you.

So, what’s the way forward?

1. Grieve the Mistreatment. Acknowledge it. Feel it. Let yourself mourn what was lost—whether it’s trust, safety, or love.
2. Set Boundaries with the Offender. You get to decide the terms of their place in your life. Or whether they belong in your life at all.
3. Ask Yourself: Who Do I Want to Be? The angry victim, chained to the past? Or the resilient warrior, free to live in the present?

True forgiveness is transactional—it requires a perpetrator and a victim, with the perpetrator taking accountability. But what if they won’t? What if they can’t admit the hurt they caused?

Take this example: Your mother hurt you in the past. Growing up, she may have failed you in ways you’re still uncovering. Now, as an adult, you find yourself treating her with anger and resentment, replaying the pain of the past. But here’s the hard truth: in those moments, you’re still a child. You’re living in reaction to her actions, tethered to what happened then.

Is that who you want to be?

If your answer is no, it’s time to decide. Do you want her in your life? If the answer is yes, live your life as the person you aspire to be—not the reactive victim of your past.

This doesn’t mean excusing her behavior. It doesn’t mean forgetting. It means choosing to step into your own power, reclaiming your story, and living authentically.

Grieve first. Set boundaries. Then decide: Who do I want to be?

Decide. Victim or victor?

Whenever you’re ready, here are a few ways I can support you:

1. Free End People Pleasing Consultation: Let’s explore what’s holding you back and map out the next steps for you to live authentically and end people-pleasing. Click here to book.
2. Watch My Free End People Pleasing Webinar: Learn the proven framework to break free from people-pleasing in as little as 12 weeks. Click here to watch.
3. Join My Free Facebook Group: Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who are reclaiming their freedom and authenticity. Join here.
4. Book a Therapy Session with Me: Personalized support tailored to your journey. Email me at bruce@brucesanguin.ca to get started.