When You Matter, You “Matter”

I don’t matter is a belief that keeps you from materializing. One of the deepest and most persistent unconscious beliefs that people-pleasers carry. This belief, often formed in childhood, shapes how we see ourselves and how we show up in the world—or, more accurately, how we don’t.

When we feel like we don’t matter, we unconsciously act as though we’re not even here. A client used the term “vaporize” to describe what she felt others did to her — not take her seriously. And she was able to take responsibility for how, first, she had to vaporize herself, which made it possible for others to vaporize her.

We “vaporize” ourselves when deep down we don’t believe we matter—diminishing our presence, needs, and voice. We take ourselves out of the equation. And in doing so, we allow others to vaporize us too. If you don’t ground in our own sense of worth, others will naturally reflect that absence back to us. We become invisible, insubstantial, and easy to overlook.

But here’s the truth: If you want to stop being vaporized, you need to stop believing the lie that you don’t matter. Instead, we must embody the opposite: the truth that we do matter—deeply, inherently, and unconditionally. When you truly matter to yourself, you begin to “matter” in the world. You become a real, substantial presence—a force that can’t be ignored or erased.

What Does It Mean to “Matter”?

To “matter” means to take up space, to be real, to have weight and presence. The word “matter” itself speaks to substance and physicality. When you matter, you incarnate—you take on flesh, you become substantial. This is the essence of being alive: showing up in the fullness of who you are.

But people-pleasing teaches us to do the opposite. It teaches us to make ourselves small, to accommodate, to prioritize others’ needs and desires over our own. Over time, this erodes our sense of self until we begin to feel like we don’t really exist—like we’re floating through life as shadows of ourselves.

It’s critical to realize that we didn’t come into the world believing that “I don’t matter”. We had to learn it from our environment, from how we were treated by those who were supposed to show us that we matter. The root of matter is the same root for “mother”. A mother’s job is to matter us by treating us like we matter and when that doesn’t happen for whatever reason we are vaporized.

Reclaiming Your Substance: Pivoting from “I Don’t Matter” to Self-Worth

Here’s the paradox: You already matter. You matter because you exist. You are here, incarnate, because you were always meant to be. Your presence is not an accident. The creative intelligence that brought you into being made no mistakes.

The work, then, is not to earn your mattering but to remember it. To lose the belief that you don’t matter and replace it with the truth that you do. And when you do this, something extraordinary happens: You begin to show up. You become substantial, take up space, and act like someone who can no longer be overlooked or vaporized.

How to Stop Vaporizing Yourself (and start mattering)

1. Acknowledge the Belief: Recognize when the thought “I don’t matter” arises. Name it for what it is: a limiting belief, not the truth.
2. Commit to Your Presence: Show up for yourself by expressing your needs, desires, and opinions. Practice speaking up, even in small ways.
3. Prioritize Self-Expression: Share your authentic self with the world. Whether it’s through art, conversation, or the way you dress, let your presence be known.
4. Embody Your Worth: Treat yourself as someone who matters. This means self-care, self-respect, and setting boundaries that protect your time and energy.
5. Surround Yourself with Support: Build relationships with people who see your worth and reflect it back to you. Let go of those who perpetuate your invisibility.

Incarnating Your Purpose

When you reclaim your mattering, you step into your incarnated purpose. You take up your rightful space in the world, not as a ghostly shadow but as a fully embodied being. You stop apologizing for your existence and start living in alignment with who you truly are.

To matter is to express your light. It’s to be unapologetically, authentically you. And when you do this, you give others permission to do the same. You create a ripple effect of substance and presence in a world that so often tries to make us small.

So, end the vaporization. Stop disappearing yourself and allowing others to do the same. Take on matter by mattering—first and foremost to yourself. The world doesn’t just need you; it needs you in your fullness. When you matter to yourself, you truly “matter.”

Your light is waiting. Let it shine.

When you’re ready, I can support you to “matter”. Here’s how:

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1. Watch My Free End People Pleasing Webinar: Learn the proven framework to break free from people-pleasing in as little as 12 weeks. Click here to watch.