Why do I do this?
I mean, be a psychotherapist and teach an on-line course and coach people to end people-pleasing?
Let’s start with why am I a therapist? At the age of 20, in my second year of my undergraduate, playing for the varsity volleyball team I was struck by the question of meaning of life. Life had a depth dimension I was missing. I went looking, first in theology, and then in psychology.
But in terms of why people-pleasing, it starts in an ayahuasca ceremony.
After a bout of “cleansing” ( a polite way of saying puking as this medicine is a purgative.)
I saw in span of a few minutes how my life hadn’t been my own.
From an early age I had curated a personality to pick up on what others needed from me.
To survive, to belong, to feel loved.
The upshot was decades of not living my own life.
I crawled out of the maloca onto a grassy knoll.
Underneath the bright and strangely caring moon I muttered to myself:
“My life hasn’t been my own, my life hasn’t been my own”.
The stars, acting as my witness, winked at me from above.
The Homecoming
Telling me, “yup, that’s true, it’s okay, welcome home.”
To beautiful you.
I found my way back into the maloca, sat up on my mat, and focused my attention on each of my co-sojourners, one at a time.
I prayed a short, simple prayer for each of them.
By short, I mean three words.
Just. Be. You.
And I knew that this way was why every single person present was puking, and moaning, and laughing, and putting themselves through this ordeal.
To find their way back to the beautiful and radiant core of their being.
Their “you”.
Since then, I’ve dedicated my life to supporting others to find their way home to themselves.
And people-pleasing is the number 1 symptom that we’re trying to be somebody else.
Because of this terrible wound that caused us to believe that only by being somebody else could we be legitimate and loved.
Every morning I say this short prayer for all the people who receive these messages.
Just. Be. You.
Why do I teach about people pleasing?
Because it’s as close to me as I can get.
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Here are a couple ways I can support you:
- Watch my free End People Pleasing Webinar: See how I help people overcome people-pleasing in as little as 12 weeks. Click here
- Book a therapy session with me: bruce@brucesanguin.ca
