In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to lose touch with our true desires, often overshadowed by societal expectations and the demands of daily life. However, acknowledging and honouring these desires is essential for personal fulfillment and authenticity.​ Your desires are legitimate.

Understanding the Essence of True Desires

True desires are not fleeting whims or superficial wants; they are profound expressions of our innermost selves, guiding us toward what genuinely resonates with our values and passions. Unlike cravings, which are temporary and often driven by external stimuli, true desires stem from our core identity and aspirations.​ Lay philosopher, Colin Wilson, defines intensity as a realization of the absolute value of life. When we stop wanting life, even more life, we are not living with intensity, with awareness, that this experience is of absolute value.

The Distinction Between Desires and Cravings

It’s crucial to differentiate between desires and cravings. Cravings are typically short-lived urges aimed at immediate gratification, often leading to a cycle of unfulfillment. In contrast, true desires are deeply rooted in our being, directing us toward meaningful and lasting satisfaction. Recognizing this distinction empowers us to pursue what truly matters, fostering a sense of purpose and contentment.​ The challenge is in allowing yourself to experience life as fully as possible, but at the same time letting one’s experience go without attaching to it. When we assume a childish attitude of I must have more and I want this to be permanent, we slip into craving. Or fall into addiction. Want what you want, freely, just know when you’ve crossed the boundary into petulantly demanding that life deliver more. Desire can be balanced with gratitude.

Trauma and Desire

Early emotional and relational deprivation or mistreatment can cause us to get stuck in craving. We crave what we didn’t get emotionally. Or we repeat patterns of abuse, unconsciously desiring to re-enact the early trauma. In response to failures of love we curate a false self in order to survive. Then as adults we confuse this with our true self. Our desire, in other words, is in service of the emotionally and relationally starved ego – the false self. This is how desires becomes craving, the feeling that if we don’t get what we want we’ll die. It’s not true, but it was once true. The memory of thwarted desire still haunts us.

The Role of Desire in Personal Fulfillment

Embracing our true desires is a vital step toward self-fulfillment. Philosopher Alan Gewirth defines self-fulfillment as “carrying to fruition one’s deepest desires or one’s worthiest capacities,” highlighting the importance of aligning our actions with our authentic selves. This alignment leads to a life of purpose, satisfaction, and overall well-being.​en.wikipedia.org

Overcoming Societal Conditioning

Many cultures and religions have historically viewed desire with suspicion, associating it with selfishness or moral weakness. However, this perspective often conflates harmful cravings with genuine desires that promote growth and self-actualization. By challenging these conditioned beliefs, we can reclaim our right to pursue what truly enriches our lives.​ When the Psalmist writes in Psalm 23 “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want” it doesn’t mean my desires are wrong. It means “the Lord” is happy to provide for my wants, like a shepherd takes care of his sheep. Jesus asks: “What father among you, when a child asks for a fish will give him rocks?” he is expressing a positive attitude toward appetite, physical yes, but also, emotional and spiritual. For him, the “Father” knows what you want and provides for those desires.

Practical Steps to Honor Your True Desires

• Self-Reflection: Regularly set aside time to introspect and identify what genuinely excites and motivates you.​
• Mindfulness Practices: Engage in activities like meditation or journaling to connect with your inner self and clarify your desires.​
• Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to external demands that don’t align with your true desires, preserving your energy for what truly matters.​
• Pursue Passion Projects: Dedicate time to activities that resonate with your authentic self, fostering a sense of fulfillment and joy.​

Embracing Authentic Aspirations

Honoring your true desires is not an act of selfishness but a profound expression of self-respect and authenticity. By aligning your life with your genuine aspirations, you contribute positively to your well-being and inspire others to do the same. Remember, your desires are legitimate and deserve to be acknowledged and pursued. Remember, your desires are legitimate.

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