We Are Not Born People Pleasers

We Are Not Born People Pleasers

Wolf eye

We’re not born people-pleasers.

We’re born for relationship, to enter into a dance of intimacy with the world.

In other words, for love.

Somewhere along the line, we discover it’s not on offer.

Or it’s hit and miss.

The “miss” is what breaks our heart.

Like, really, breaks our heart.

Our little brains and nervous systems try to figure out what went wrong.

It’s called sense-making and it starts early.

The default conclusion we land on is “it’s my fault”.

This is actually a very intelligent conclusion. Because if it’s their fault, the ones upon whom my life depends, then I’m screwed.

But if it’s my fault I’ll figure out a strategy to get the love.

The seeds of the people-pleaser are planted.

I’ll be what you need me to be:

  • Well-behaved? Sure
  • Smile for the camera? Easy
  • Tune into your needs? Done
  • Take care of you? Not a problem. 

But it never truly works.

We just hope it works.

Right into adulthood, we keep hoping, by people-pleasing.

Well, it never was your fault.

But now, it’s time to retire the strategy.

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Here are some ways I can support you:

  1. Free End People Pleasing Consultation: We’ll look at what exactly is going on in your life right now, establish best next steps for you to end people-pleasing: Click here

2. Watch my free End People Pleasing Webinar: See how I help people overcome people-pleasing in as little as 12 weeks. Click here

3. Join my free Facebook group: Achieving results on your own is very difficult. But with the right group of people, anything is possible. Join this supportive group of people who are happy to support you on your way. Click here

4. Book a therapy session with me: bruce@brucesanguin.ca

Bruce Sanguin Psychotherapist

Written by Bruce Sanguin

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