Treating yourself well is a non-negotiable. If you’re treating yourself well, you will never be treated well. When we’re not treated well when we’re young, it tends to keep happening in adulthood. Sometimes, it’s hard to even notice because some part of us thinks it’s normal. Early neglect leads to self-neglect.

But it’s important to end the habit of accepting bad treatment from others. Phone calls not returned, friends chronically showing up late for appointments, the boss who objectifies you, a spouse who denigrates you with off-hand comments and then denies it.

You deserve better.

Being Treated Well Is Your Responsibility

The thing is nobody is going to stand up for you. You waited for somebody to do it as a little person
and it didn’t happen. Which is heart-breaking. Waiting around, getting sick and depressed didn’t work then. And it’s not going to work now. So don’t wait around now for somebody to come along.

Nobody is coming. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s necessary. All of your early strategies that were intended to get you what you wanted indirectly (because you couldn’t get it directly) will not be effective now. They are still in place because they are unconscious coping strategies. End them.

Learn to Fight for Yourself

Stand up for yourself. Nobody now gets to mistreat you. Ever. Back then, you couldn’t do anything about it? But now? You have to fight for your freedom and fight for your dignity. Nobody can give these things to you if you don’t first give them to yourself. Tell your friend to stop being late for appointments and if they don’t, end the friendship. You don’t have to take being berated by an aging parent, just because they are aging. If your partner is continually berating you, stop him or her. And if they don’t, end it. Life is too short.

Not saying it’s easy. Especially for people-pleasers. But you know what’s even harder? Mistreatment. It wears you down, erodes self-respect, and makes you believe, mistakingly, that you deserve it.

You don’t.

Ever.

Take a moment and bring to mind the people in your life who treat you well. Build your community of friends who do treat you well. That is ultimately how you will recover from being chronically mistreated, overlooked, and neglected. When you treat yourself well, you have less tolerance for being mistreated.

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