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“I consider many adults (including myself) are or have been, more or less, in a hypnotic trance, induced in early infancy: we remain in this state – when we dead awaken, as Ibsen has one of his characters say – we shall find that we have never lived.”—R.D. Laing. In other words, early imprints shape … Read more

When You Matter, You “Matter” I don’t matter is a belief that keeps you from materializing. One of the deepest and most persistent unconscious beliefs that people-pleasers carry. This belief, often formed in childhood, shapes how we see ourselves and how we show up in the world—or, more accurately, how we don’t. When we feel … Read more

Doing what you want to do isn’t selfish. People-pleasers may find this challenging: Does that notion make you uncomfortable? Before labeling it as selfish, let’s explore its deeper meaning. Understanding Self-Aligned Actions When you undertake actions for yourself—even acts of generosity—you’re not seeking external approval, affection, or validation. Instead, you’re acting in harmony with your … Read more

Trying Harder Won’t Work When it’s never enough, no matter how much you give, no matter how hard you try, you can be sure you are dealing with your inner people pleaser. The MO of the people pleasing personality is to try harder and fail – thus re-enacting what happened in childhood. Trying harder to … Read more