Doing what you want to do isn’t selfish. People-pleasers may find this challenging:
Does that notion make you uncomfortable? Before labeling it as selfish, let’s explore its deeper meaning.
Understanding Self-Aligned Actions
When you undertake actions for yourself—even acts of generosity—you’re not seeking external approval, affection, or validation. Instead, you’re acting in harmony with your true self and how you wish to engage with the world.
Consider scenarios like helping a friend move, donating to a cause, or agreeing to a request. If these actions stem from your genuine desires, they reflect your authentic self—not a pursuit of being liked or perceived as “a good person.”
The Significance of Self-Aligned Actions
Actions rooted in self-alignment free you from hidden expectations. Expectations that in one way or another your act of generosity will elicit approval or acceptance from others. You’re not anticipating gratitude, love, or acceptance in return; you’re simply acting according to your values and desires.
This approach contrasts with people-pleasing, where actions are performed for others but come with unspoken expectations, such as:
- Approval
- Acceptance
- Being liked
- Avoiding conflict
People-pleasing often involves suppressing one’s own desires, needs, and boundaries to focus entirely on pleasing others, leading to chronic self-neglect.
The Cleanliness of Self-Aligned Actions
Performing actions for yourself removes these hidden strings, making your deeds genuine and free of ulterior motives. It also means that when you decline something, you’re honoring your time, energy, and truth. When you do it for yourself you experience the freedom of not letting others determine your value.
Reflecting on Your Motivations
Before committing to an action, ask yourself:
- Am I doing this for me?
- Does this align with my values?
Living this way not only diminishes people-pleasing tendencies but also allows you to present yourself more authentically.
Embracing Your Authentic Self
By aligning your actions with your true self, you cultivate a life of integrity and fulfillment. Remember, genuine kindness doesn’t require compromising your boundaries.
Incorporating these practices can lead to a more balanced and satisfying life, free from the constraints of people-pleasing behaviours. Whatever you do, do it for yourself. Do it because you want to do it.
Whenever you’re ready, Watch my free End People Pleasing Webinar: See how I help people overcome people-pleasing in as little as 12 weeks: Click here.
