What Is “Preference Falsification?”

What Is “Preference Falsification?”

Wolf eye

Preference falsification is the act of misrepresenting your true preferences or beliefs to align with social expectations or avoid conflict or disapproval. It occurs when individuals publicly express opinions or preferences that differ from their private ones, often out of fear of judgment, punishment, or social ostracism.


Who Coined the Term?

The term preference falsification was coined by economist and political scientist Timur Kuran in his 1995 book Private Truths, Public Lies: The Social Consequences of Preference Falsification. Kuran used it to explain how societal norms and public policies can persist even when many people privately disagree with them, as individuals hide their true preferences for fear of standing out.


How Does Preference Falsification Apply to People-Pleasing?

Preference falsification is deeply connected to people-pleasing behaviors, as people-pleasers often misrepresent their true feelings, needs, or desires to maintain harmony, gain approval, or avoid conflict. Here’s how the two intersect:

  1. Suppressing True Desires:
    People-pleasers frequently say “yes” when they mean “no,” agreeing to things that don’t align with their actual preferences. This is a classic example of falsifying preferences to avoid disappointing others.
  2. Avoiding Rejection:
    Much like Kuran’s idea of societal conformity, people-pleasers fear the personal consequences of expressing their true thoughts, such as rejection, judgment, or conflict, and therefore adopt a false persona.
  3. Reinforcing Inauthentic Relationships:
    By consistently falsifying preferences, people-pleasers contribute to relationships that are based on false understandings of who they are. This can lead to feelings of resentment, disconnection, or being misunderstood.
  4. Stifling Authentic Growth:
    When people-pleasers suppress their preferences and truths, they may lose touch with their authentic self, leading to a life guided by others’ expectations rather than their own desires.

Breaking Free from Preference Falsification in People-Pleasing

To overcome preference falsification as a people-pleaser, it’s essential to:

  • Identify True Preferences: Practice mindfulness or journaling to uncover your genuine feelings and desires.
  • Practice Self-Validation: Learn to value your own approval over external validation.
  • Set Boundaries: Start small by expressing a preference or saying “no” in low-stakes situations.
  • Build Resilience: Accept that not everyone will agree with or like your authentic self—and that’s okay.

By stepping away from preference falsification, people-pleasers can cultivate authenticity and live lives that truly reflect their own needs and values.

Watch my free people pleasing webinar .

Bruce Sanguin Psychotherapist

Written by Bruce Sanguin