People-pleasers may have some trouble with this post.
Whatever you do, do it for yourself.
Does that feel a little uncomfortable?
Before you call this selfish, hear me out.
When you do something for yourself—even an act of generosity—you’re not doing it to earn someone else’s approval, affection, or validation. You’re doing it because it aligns with who you are and how you want to show up in the world.
Let’s say you want to help a friend move, donate to a cause, or say yes to a request. If you do it for yourself, it’s because it feels true to you—not because you’re hoping they’ll like you more or see you as “a good person.”
Why does this matter?
When your actions come from a place of self-alignment, you’re free from hidden expectations. You’re not hoping for thanks, love, or acceptance in return. You’re simply acting from your own values and desires.
And that’s the opposite of people-pleasing.
People-pleasing is doing something for them—but with strings attached, even if you’re not aware of them. It often comes with the hope (or even the unspoken demand) for something in return:
- Approval.
- Acceptance.
- Being liked.
- Avoiding conflict.
But doing things for yourself removes those strings. It makes your actions clean, generous, and free of hidden agendas.
And it ensures that if you say no, you’re doing that for yourself too.
You’re honouring your time, energy, and truth.
So the next time you’re deciding whether to do something, ask yourself:
“Am I doing this for me? Does this feel aligned with my values?”
When you live this way, you won’t just end people-pleasing—you’ll show up more fully as the real you.
Bruce
Whenever you’re ready, here are a couple ways I can support you:
- Free End People Pleasing Consultation: We’ll look at what exactly is going on in your life right now and establish best next steps for you to end people-pleasing: Click here.
- Watch my free End People Pleasing Webinar: See how I help people overcome people-pleasing in as little as 12 weeks: Click here.
- Join my free Facebook group: Achieving results on your own is very difficult. But with the right group of people, anything is possible. Join this supportive group of people who are happy to support you on your way: Click here.
- Book a therapy session with me: Email me at bruce@brucesanguin.ca.
