Inklings Bruce Sanguin's blog
Author Your Own Life
Be An Authority by Authoring Your Own Life Are you the author of your own life? Or do you feel like an actor in a play that someone else wrote? Like you’re performing a role for approval, acceptance, or peace? This is a heavy script to carry. Your life becomes a performance in somebody else’s … Read more
Is Your Life A Silent Apology: Break Free from People-Pleasing
Is your life a silent apology? People-pleasers often live with an unspoken apology, constantly acquiescing to others’ desires at the expense of their own. This habitual surrender stifles personal growth and authenticity. Living on others’ terms is akin to painting a masterpiece with colors chosen by someone else. By consistently deferring to others, we diminish … Read more
Your Desires Are Legitimate
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to lose touch with our true desires, often overshadowed by societal expectations and the demands of daily life. However, acknowledging and honouring these desires is essential for personal fulfillment and authenticity. Your desires are legitimate. Understanding the Essence of True Desires True desires are not fleeting whims or superficial … Read more
Why I Teach about People-Pleasing.
Why do I do this? I mean, be a psychotherapist and teach an on-line course and coach people to end people-pleasing? Let’s start with why am I a therapist? At the age of 20, in my second year of my undergraduate, playing for the varsity volleyball team I was struck by the question of meaning … Read more
Trade in Self-Justification for Self-Expression
There’s a big difference between proving who you are—and simply being who you are. Think about it for a second. How often do we find ourselves justifying, explaining, or trying to prove that we’re somebody—worthy, good enough, lovable? The Ego Is a Hustler That’s the ego talking, the part of us that feels like it … Read more
We Are Not Born People Pleasers
Made for Love We’re not born people pleasers. We’re born for relationship, to enter into a dance of intimacy with the world. In other words, for love. Somewhere along the line, we discover it’s not on offer. Or it’s hit and miss. The “miss” is what breaks our heart. Like, really, breaks our heart. The … Read more
Treating Yourself Well
Treating yourself well is a non-negotiable. If you’re treating yourself well, you will never be treated well. When we’re not treated well when we’re young, it tends to keep happening in adulthood. Sometimes, it’s hard to even notice because some part of us thinks it’s normal. Early neglect leads to self-neglect. But it’s important to end … Read more
When It’s Never Enough
Trying Harder Won’t Work When it’s never enough, no matter how much you give, no matter how hard you try, you can be sure you are dealing with your inner people pleaser. The MO of the people pleasing personality is to try harder and fail – thus re-enacting what happened in childhood. Trying harder to … Read more
People Pleasing Drains Your Life Force
People pleasing drains your life force and keeps you from being you. Over the years of practicing psychotherapy I have found that there’s a lot of people pleasing going on. Its forms are legion: David keeps taking more and more projects on at work because he can’t say no to his boss and is worried about … Read more
Distinguishing Desire from Craving
Distinguishing desire from craving is critical if we’re going to reclaim a balanced attitude about desire. I’ve written elsewhere about inheriting a negative attitude about desire. I interpreted the opening line of Psalm 23 ( “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want” ) to mean I shouldn’t want. Obviously, it means something more … Read more
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The Goodness Trap:
End People-Pleasing and Live Your Own Heart-Centred Life
This book describes how to end the people-pleasing identity and shift into your true, heart-centred self.
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