People Pleasing

The Hazards of Acquiescence

I once heard someone describe people-pleasing as living with a silent apology for wanting anything different from others. The word “acquiesce” comes to mind. To surrender or submit—an impulse many people-pleasers know well. (Properly understood, surrender – to what is – is a good thing, but I’m talking about capitulation). The pressure to yield to … Read more

Your Desires Are Legitimate

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to feel your true desires? Without guilt, shame, or second-guessing? For many of us, especially those who have spent years adjusting to others’ needs and expectations, the idea of honoring our own desires can feel foreign or even selfish. We’ve been taught to believe that to … Read more

Why I Do This?

Why do I do this? I mean, teach an on-line course and coach people to end people-pleasing? Why am I a therapist? It starts in an ayahuasca ceremony. After a bout of “cleansing” ( a polite way of saying puking as this medicine is a purgative.) I saw in span of a few minutes how … Read more

Self-Expression vs. Self-Justification

There’s a big difference between proving who you are—and simply being who you are. Think about it for a second. How often do we find ourselves justifying, explaining, or trying to prove that we’re somebody—worthy, good enough, lovable? That’s the ego talking, the part of us that feels like it has to hustle for our … Read more

We Are Not Born People Pleasers

We’re not born people-pleasers. We’re born for relationship, to enter into a dance of intimacy with the world. In other words, for love. Somewhere along the line, we discover it’s not on offer. Or it’s hit and miss. The “miss” is what breaks our heart. Like, really, breaks our heart. Our little brains and nervous … Read more

Bruce Sanguin

Psychotherapist